Session Three – Under Pressure

So then, confession time and today was the day I had to hold my hands up and say I didn’t have enough time for running let alone enough energy. It’s a one off and hopefully won’t become the start of a slippery slope. Hopefully. To be fair I was justified in being stuck for time to hit the road.

Some proper work during the day followed by a few radio interviews and then straight onto a gig at the Sunderland Empire meant I didn’t get home until nearly 11.30pm, which is far too late to go running around rural Northumberland in the pissing rain, isn’t it?

OF COURSE IT FUCKING ISN’T! I was out alright – what a hero; tired, hungry, soaked through, aching, but did you hear me complaining about it? Did you balls. You read it on the blog instead, didn’t you! Eh, that’s a cracking joke, that one. One about the difference between listening to someone and reading. Very clever.

But yeah, tonight was hard work. No headphones, I’d accidentally drank a beer during the gig (honest, I’d forgot I’m no longer fat and was offered free booze, there’s not much you can do in that situation other than drink), the whole rain thing, plus it was late. I didn’t hit the road till 11.45pm. Everything was going against me. Annoyingly, if it’d been earlier at night, some refreshing rain and quiet time would have been ace, but when you just want a sandwich then bed it’s hell.

The biggest plus point tonight though, was this: no interruptions. No frogs, no fatties. It seems the only people that roam the Northumberland streets at night are me and Raoul Moat. Boom! Joke two. You weren’t expecting that, were you? Not this close to the end. Tune in tomorrow where we might aim for three gags in one blog! And less moaning. But the same amount of running. That’s the dream and we’re chasing it. Albeit at a slightly slower pace and only up to a mile (speaking of which I completed 1.13 miles in dead on 12 minutes tonight, maths fans).

If you like jokes subtly blended into banal tales of woe from a fatty, please give money to Kidney Research at

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