Session Eight – The Prince And The Frog(s)

First things first, I didn’t hit the two mile mark tonight. I wasn’t too annoyed at myself in terms of fitness, just preparation and circumstance. 1.18 miles in 13mins 17 seconds is upsetting but I’m not too down about it.

A delightful gig in beautiful Middlesbrough meant I’d not bothered eating for most of the day, coupled with getting home for 11.40pm. So, with midnight sneaking up on me and no energy left in my body, I tried to propel myself through the Northumbrian countryside.

Things hit a sticky patch within the first five minutes as I nearly stood on a frog. I just about recovered from the fright and within 20 seconds another one hopped past me. At this point I almost shat myself but tried to grin and bear it. Until another of the weird little bastards got in my way.

By this point I was hopping round trying to avoid them, in the process looking like a big fat sweaty frog myself. Within a minute I’d easily passed a dozen and was shitting myself. I’ve no idea why – in a fight between me and a frog, I’d fancy my chances. They’d struggle to land many punches and would die if I stood on them. Even they must have been pretty freaked out by my girly yelps every time one of them flew across me.

There was nothing else to do but ditch my usual route and go for “round the block”. Another dozen frogs on my way back, I wasn’t sure what I was more angry at – them being there or why they were there. I’ve ran that route for over a week now and seen the occasional frog, probably two at a push. But tonight, why did they all come out? Was it some sort of frog rave? Were they there on holiday? Or had one frog grassed that a fatty was on his territory and got his frog mates to defend his patch? Fucking cowardly frog – be a man about it and sort it one on one rather than getting your homies involved. The tabloids are right – Britain’s gang culture is beyond a joke.

I headed back towards home with the aim of completing two miles but the frog excitement coupled with a lack of food had me crippled. I kept going but eventually the pain around my ribs was a bit too much and I was struggling to breath. I spotted I’d done little over a mile and was disappointed but not too disheartened. I had no food in me, nothing for my body to run on, and that’s why I was struggling. That’s a lot easier to take than not being fit enough.

Unfortunately I’ll have to make the mileage up – I’ll try for 2.5 miles tonight and the same tomorrow. As long as there’s no frogs I’m sure I’ll be fine.

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